A reader writes:
I’ve been doing some unpleasant networking lately, and, generally: How much should you really invest in kissing the ass of people you don’t like?
I mean, there are a lot of people more powerful than me who I need to open doors. So, I do everything I can to curry their favor. And yet, I’ve noticed in life that I get a lot farther when I network with people I genuinely like, I suspect that is because they genuinely like me too. A lot of my networking with people I, deep down, dislike, seems to peter off into not much. This could be because I actually am pretty high in my career and there’s not a lot of easy places to move forward, or it could be because it’s a waste of time to network with people you’re not really simpatico with.
Your thoughts? Is all networking good networking, or is there a way to network smarter?
In the Good Old Days, we writers faced lower social expectations. When James Joyce advised writers to practice “silence, exile and cunning” he did so in a culture that mostly wanted writers to write, a culture where if you really wanted to go out and shake things up, then you hopped on a train.
Today, with the exception of the cunning part, Joyce’s advice sounds like career suicide. (“Cunning, sociability and noise” is more like it.) Now audiences expect authors to do events, have a website, answer personal e-mail and in some cases even participate in the making of the work. Meanwhile, the industry almost requires that you be a marketing expert, branding guru and public personality. They’d also very much appreciate it if you’d learn to photograph well.
Your networking woes are a side effect of these new expectations. You know that the work doesn’t speak for itself. Hell, even the speaking for itself doesn’t speak for itself any more. So you’re doing your best by making connections, buffing your profile, and hoping it all pays off.
I suspect that you’re a victim of your own success. You’re past the breakthrough phase. New gains can feel incremental. But the struggle is still the struggle. So rather than give you advice, I offer this reminder:
Remember what networking felt like in the very beginning. Remember how terrified you were the first time you tried to impress an editor. Remember how awful it felt to go to your first businessy cocktail party. And remember to give yourself a little credit. Networking will probably never be fun for you, but you must be doing something right or you wouldn’t be where you are today.
Hey, Dory from Finding Nemo! Take us out:
Tags: advice, networking
I’m pretty much maxed out for networking. At a certain point, even if I know there’s more I COULD do, I just have to say, y’know, “Okay, world — tell me that the little I’ve done so far has had any effect at all before demanding I do more.” (Blog stats help there, a little.)
People who are depressed or clinically anxious sometimes resist prescriptions for drugs which would truly help their condition, because they imagine they’ll become a different person when “under the influence.” For writers, this becomes “…I won’t be able to write anymore in a way that satisfies me.” I think this is analogous to the “Gee, I don’t know if I really can network” fear or resistance which many writers (myself included) feel.
I doubt my networking is what you’d call productive, but I so enjoy the cool writery types and just generally funny people I twitter and blog with that I kind of don’t care– which is probably not what you’re talking about. (Right? or is it?)
Maybe someday someone who can actually help me along will fall into the kiddie pool accidentally.
?????
I’m an anomoly I guess, cuz I love me some networking. I’m fairly social, but I spend most of my time focused on my craft, alone.
So when I get the opportunity to hang with my posse, I love it. And I’ve developed friendships that will at the least be an enduring friendship, and at most help my career.
I believe we perform our best when we’re at the service of others. Instead of schmoozing with people who you think can help YOU. Find people you like that you can help in some way… you may be surprised at how many mutually beneficial relationships you will form.
When you’re seeking a relationship with someone higher up in your circle, same thing applies – think of ways you can help them, not just how they can help you.
Thanks to technology there are several happy medium options. If it’s a solely for career purposes Linked In is a good option, but for those that like to mix good work with good people Twitter and Facebook are great tools.
Just to keep myself honest with Twitter and blogs I make it a point to find new people each week and a few extra people if I unfollow a blog /person.